How to manage Anxiety when you have Children

Do you suffer from anxiety?

Are you about to have kids or currently have kids and want to learn different ways to manage anxiety when you have children?

Keep reading..

As today I go right in depth of anxiety and how to manage your anxiety when you have children.

Before we start

The information provided is from my experience. Please, seek medical advice if anxiety is affecting your life.

What is anxiety, what does anxiety mean?

Blah the word anxiety has been thrown around my life for the past 19 years… It’s something that we hear so often in articles, on the news, on tv shows but what exactly is anxiety?

The best way I can explain anxiety is its an annoying voice in your head that makes you doubt yourself, not trust yourself, feel nervous, anxious, afraid, self-conscious.

It’s an annoying voice in your head that can make your body experience strange feelings that make you want to run and hide. It can rear its ugly head when you’re trying to do your daily tasks, go shopping or hang out with family and friends. It can make you so nervous and uncomfortable that you just want to stay at home all the time and you literally feel afraid of life.

What are anxiety attack symptoms?

Everybody can experience different anxiety attack symptoms but the ones I am familiar with include:

• Panic, fear, and uneasiness
• Sleep problems
• Not being able to stay calm and still
• Cold, sweaty, numb or tingling hands or feet
• Shortness of breath
• Heart palpitations
• Dry mouth
• Nausea

An example of an anxiety attack can look like this:

You start to feel… funny or a weird sensation, light headed and nauseous. You then start thinking “oh no why do I feel funny, what’s happening” You start feeling like you have shortness of breath and then you start thinking “oh no I can’t breathe” and you start to panic.

You body starts going into that fight or flight mode and you feel like you might pass out and then that unleashes a whole range of thoughts..”what if I pass out, what if I die, what if I pass out and my children are here by themselves…do I need to call an ambulance…” the feeling is unreal!!  STOP you have to stop any of these thoughts, take control of your breathing and re-adjust your thinking now!

What anxiety treatment is out there?

Firstly, talk to someone you are close with about it!! Talk to a trusted friend, your partner, your parents, let someone else know what is going on for you. Tell them how you feel, the challenges you are experiencing and discuss ways to get help.
Visit your GP and let them know what has been going on and they will assess and provide you with advice on what you can do.

Medication to help control anxiety is one option that you GP may discuss with you. Be sure to talk about the effects, benefits, negatives and if need be come up with a plan for taking them.

Therapy is another option. It can be super beneficial to go and have some sessions with a trained professional in anxiety. That person can help put thoughts, fears into perspective and give you a range of coping strategies.

Anxiety and Children

I found my anxiety deepened when I had children. I felt like I had gone from just having to worry about myself to now worrying about 3 small kids and the life challenges they face.

It got to the point where I couldn’t drive safely without feeling an attack come on,  visiting the supermarket would freak me out and leaving the house would make me anxious. From then on I decided this was not healthy for myself or my children, so I sought help.

Self-help techniques that I have tried

Exercise and food

We all know that exercise and food are great for managing weight, but that’s not only what it is good for…anxiety too! For example, if you ate for a couple of days fast food, soda, sweets you will feel it! It will mess with your mind and make you anxious as heck! So, try and keep a well-balanced diet and exercise a few times a week.

One of my favourite YouTubers is Lucy Wyndham-Read. She has so many workouts available and short quick workouts too. I highly recommend you visit her channel and make time to do her short workouts!

Need some help getting motivated? In this post, I give you 8 tips to get back on track to a healthy and energised life.

An online anxiety coaching program

This is a program that you can do in the comfort of your own home with your support person. I have attached a link to beating the blues which focuses on depression and anxiety. However, a google search will provide you with a range of programs.  When you work together with your support person, it is a great way for you to explain to them how you are feeling in a way that they can understand and support you.

Plan out each day as much as you can

This is an ideal way to keep you feeling in control! An example day plan could look like this:

• Breakfast
• Get kids ready and myself ready
• Take kids to school
• Visit the supermarket – take the shopping list!
• Lunch
• Dentist appointment
• Pick Kids up from School
• Take Child A to soccer practice
• Cook dinner
• Read with Child A and B
• Dinner
• Bath
• Bed

Take small steps

Perhaps one of your struggles is going to the supermarket, spending time with friends or walking around the mall then take small steps.

Don’t go and spend hours at each place. Set yourself a small goal. So, for example, go to the supermarket for 10 mins just to grab a few things. The mindset is that you are only going to be there for a short time, nothing will happen, you know exactly what you need, and you can do this.

Once you leave, you will feel so proud of yourself that you did that and it will give you confidence. You 1 anxiety 0. Continue to try small wins like this each day. If you have young kids with you, make sure they are fed. Explain what is going to happen, ie we are going to the supermarket soon. You can help me get some butter, milk and oranges. Just remember to do small steps, so you succeed!!

Try and block out that negative voice in your head

You know what I am talking about…..

“I’m going to the shop, and I will be fine.”
“I will meet up with my good friends soon, and nothing bad is going to happen.”
“I’m going to take my toddler to the park today, I have snacks a change of clothes and a drink, and we are only going to stay for 20 minutes today.”

Anxiety can feed it self…the moment you start to worry it makes it worse. So if you feel an anxiety attack come on, take a moment and focus on your breathing, breath in 1 2 3 4 5 and out 1 2 3 4 5 keep going and say to yourself “I am okay, nothing can hurt me and I can do this, I am okay……….”

Keep talking…

Keep sharing your thoughts, feelings and days with your support person. It is also really important to share those wins and celebrate them!

Make yourself

This one for me is the trickiest. It is so easy to make excuses for why you can’t do something, but sometimes you just need to fight the negative thoughts and say to yourself “nope I am doing this”… And really force yourself to follow through. The confidence boost you get after will be ah-mazing.

I don’t want my children picking up on my anxiety

For me, this is one thing that I never hope my children have to deal with. I hope they grow up to be confident, content happy individuals who are happy to take on risk and challenges.

Sometimes I can see a side of anxiety in my oldest, and I really hope that it’s just something he’s working through at his current age. My biggest thing that has helped me ( and keep in mind everyone is different) is to just fake it, walk confident, act confident, even though I feel terrified and nervous inside I push myself to fake it and be brave for there sake.

Managing scenarios with children

1, Your kids really want to play at a park, but your inner voice is saying “oh it will be so busy with too many people around, I hate been around people, they will look at me and think what is she doing…”

Managing Strategy: Mornings are a good time to go to the park as kids have the energy to burn. Make sure kids are fed, been to the toilet and ready to go. Take a snack with you and drinks. If you can find a small playground that is not busy (you may have to do some homework beforehand) that will be a great starting point and only stay for 20 minutes.  By starting small and gradually working up to the big playgrounds and longer play time you will learn how to handle yourself and your kids.

2, Your kids have their first school event,  teacher meeting or assembly on but you keep thinking “oh where do I go, what do they need to do, what if I’m late and everyone notices? oh, it will be just easier to not go and miss out.”

Managing Strategy: if you can, take a support person with you just until you are familiar with your surrounds. You may only need that support person once or twice as you will feel more confident next time. Self-talk to yourself “it will be fine, my kids will love seeing me there, I can’t wait to hear all about what they have been doing, or see what they have learnt.”

3, Your partner suggest going out for dinner, but all you can think about is how noisy and destructive the kids will be, even though you know they will be fine. You worry “what if they don’t sit down, what if it takes too long to get our food and they turn grumpy and scream, what if the restaurant can’t accommodate us, oh it will probably just be easier if we stayed at home…”

Managing Strategy: Plan it out first. Pick an evening that you know your kids won’t be tired then plan to go earlier and pick somewhere that you know has quick service. Take a bag of play stuff, pencils, colouring books mini figurines and toy cars, this will give the kids something to keep busy while waiting for their food. Take small steps perhaps just stay for the main meal and plan to leave after. The success of the outing will boost your confidence for the next time.

4, A common scenario (not involving kids) – You get an invite to a special occasion (birthday, wedding, friends lunch) but your instant gut reaction is oh no and to try and get out of it, or at the last minute you cancel due to unexpected sickness or “one of the kids is sick”

Managing Strategy: If it’s something you can go with your partner then talk to them about it, tell them how you feel and they can help support you. Is another friend going that you can trust? Ask if it would be okay if you went together or meet you at a particular spot. If it’s a place you’ve never been before do some research on how to get there where to go. Do that self-talking “I can do this.”

Anxiety is not a quick, easy fix, my experience with it is you have to work hard every day to control it, ignore the negative voice and push yourself to try try try.

Don’t let anxiety control you

you control it! I would love to know if you have any other techniques that you use to help control anxiety with children – please leave a comment below ↓↓

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